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1. |
Never Trust Tequila
02:11
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Never Trust Tequila
The Irish have their whiskey, the Scots have their version too.
From the smoky peat of the Moors, To the bite of Tullamore Dew.
Take it straight or on the rocks, or with with a pint or two
But never trust tequila, no matter what you do
Champagne is all the rage down in the South of France.
Bubbly, unassuming, drunk without a second glance.
So have a glass and see a show down at the Moulin Rouge;
But never trust tequila, No matter what you do!
The Polish have their Vodka drunk down like h-two-oh
Tastes just like rocket fuel, gets ya drunk before you know.
You'll not remember a single thing when you do come to.
But never trust tequila, No matter what you do!
Gin’s a fav of the English with tonic in a glass
It’ll sneak right up upon you and can knock you on your ass.
You’ll either look right proper or end face down in the loo,
But never trust tequila, no matter what you do.
Then of course you've got your rum, a pirate’s favorite drink.
One shot turns to twenty, faster than you think.
In the morning ya stagger home, missin’ a single shoe,
But never trust tequila, No matter what you do
Now if you trust tequila, it's a rolling if the dice.
When you start down that path, you're bound to pay price.
You'll lose your inhibitions and do everything taboo!
But never trust tequila, No matter what you do!
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2. |
Sailor's Prayer
03:58
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Sailor’s Prayer
Rod MacDonald
Though my sails be torn and tattered, and the mast be turned about
let the night wind chill me to my very soul
though the spray might sting my eyes, and the stars no light provide
give me just another morning light to hold
For I will not lie me down, this rain a-ragin'
I will not lie me down, in such a storm
and if this night be unblessed, I shall not take my rest
Until I reach another shore
Though the only water left, is but salt to wound my thirst
I will drink the rain that falls so steady down
Though night's blindness be my gift, and there be thieves upon my drift
I will thank the fog that shelters me along
Though my mates by drained and weary, and believe their hopes are lost
there's no need for their bones on that blackened bottom
and though death waits just off the bow, we will not answer to him now
he shall stand to face the morning without us
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3. |
Growing Older but not Up
03:28
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Growing Older but not Up
Jimmy Buffett
I rounded first never thought of the worst
As I studied the shortstop's position
Then crack went my leg like the shell of an egg
Someone call a decent physician
I'm no Pete Rose, I can't pretend
Though my mind is quite flexible, these brittle bones don't bend
I'm growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of time blow over my head
I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead
Sometimes I see me like an old manatee
Headin' south as the waters grow colder
Tries to steer clear of the hum-drum so near
It cuts prop scars deep in his shoulder
But that's how it goes (that's how it goes), right to the end
Though his body's quite flexible, that barnacle brain don't bend
I'm growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of time blow over my head
I'd rather die while I'm livin' than live while I'm dead
Now don't get me wrong this is not a sad song
Just events that I have happened to witness
And time takes its toll as we head for the poll
And no one dies from physical fitness
So what the hell, we'll take it right to the end
As the days grow more complicated the nightlife here still wins
I'm growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of change blow over my head
I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead
Let those winds of time blow over my head
I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead
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4. |
My Ding-a-Ling
02:45
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My Ding a Ling
When I was a little biddy boy,
My grandmother bought me a cute little toy.
Silver bells hangin' on a string,
She told me it was my ding-a-ling-a-ling!
Oh, my ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling,
I want you to play with my ding-a-ling!
My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling,
I want you to play with my ding-a-ling!
Then momma took me to Sunday school,
They tried to teach me the golden rule.
Ev'rytime the choir would sing,
I'd take out my ding-a-ling-a-ling!
And then momma took me to Grammar school,
But I stopped off in the vestibule.
Ev'ry time that bell would ring,
Catch me playin' with my own ding-a-ling!
I remember the girl next door,
We used to play house on the kitchen floor.
She'd be the queen, I'd be the king,
And I let her play with my royal ding-a-ling!
This here song it ain't so bad,
The cutest little song you ever had.
Those of you who will not sing,
You must be playin' with your own ding-a-ling!
Oh, your ding-a-ling, oh, your ding-a-ling,
We saw you playin' with your ding-a-ling!
Well, my ding-a-ling, everybody sing,
I want to play with my ding-a-ling!
My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling,
I want to play with my ding-a-ling!
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5. |
Rowan O'Reilly
01:47
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Rowan O’Reilly
While we were sittin' by the fire
Swapping tales and drinkin' porter
It suddenly occurred to me;
I really like O'Reilly's daughter
Fi fi fiddle ee eye oh,
rig a jg jig for Rowan O’Reilly
ram it in slam it in balls and all
rig a jig jig shag all.
I winked at her, she winked at me
She grabbed my thing and started stroking.
Good god she stroked so well
I almost came so we got to poking.
Then up the stair into the bed
There she threw her right leg over
She almost thought I wouldn’t fit!
We laughed like hell till the shag was over.
O’Reilly came into the room
Screaming screams of blood and slaughter
A brace of pistols in his hands,
Lookin' for the man who shagged his daughter.
His daughter then looked at him
And then she said, “I love you daddy,
Now get yer ass outta my room
I brought him here I want him to shag me.”
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6. |
She was only Fucking
03:06
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She was only F*%king (I was making Love)
(C. Browers)
She called me sugarplum that night down by the jousting track
She ran her fingers through my hair and up and down my back
She called me sweet; She called me dear; She called me turtle dove.
But she was only fucking, while I was making love.
I let her know I’d loved her so since first we two had met;
When I held her in my arms, all others I’d forget.
It seemed she cared and when I dared, she helped me to get in.
But all the while I made sweet love
She was only fuckin’
Now all alone I’m left to moan remembering the bliss
Her sweet thighs and deep green eyes and of her tender kiss
I love her still; I always will, she fit me like a glove.
I know she was only fucking, while I was making love.
Know that she was only fucking. While I was making, I was making sweet love
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7. |
I Like Lust
02:26
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I Like Lust
I’m not one who’s quick to anger
As a boy I was taught not to hit
But Give me the nod; I won’t spare the rod
We can start right here with the cuffs in my kit.
Why? I like lust!
As a vice it's extremely robust.
Efficiently done, seven sins rolled in one:
That's why I like lust!
Past lovers might say that I’m lazy,
That a sloth'll more than I do.
I don’t see a problem; I just prefer bottom,
And I promise I'll not come before you!
I’ve never been a much of a glutton.
You might say I’m a gourmet.
Come home with me, and darling you’ll see,
It’s true: I eat out all day.
Some lovers have said I’ve an ego;
That I'm vain with an excess of pride.
But I swear when we’re done, you’ll have actually come,
So why not take me for a ride.
I’m not a man who gets jealous.
We can turn our twosome into three.
And we'll go with your plan, you can bring home a man
Just promise that we get to DP.
Now I'll not say that I'm greedy,
Well maybe that's a bit true.
For I 'm not yet sated, and I’d be elated
To have one more romp here with you!
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8. |
I Got it from Agnes
01:46
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I Got it from Agnes
Tom Lehrer
I love my friends,
And they love me,
We're just as close,
As we can be
And just because
We really care
Whatever we get
We share
I got it from Agnes
She got it from Jim
We all agree it must have been Louise who gave it to him
Now she got it from Harry
Who got it from Marie
And everybody know that Marie
Got it from me
Giles got it from Daphne
She got it from Joan
Who picked it up in County Cork
A-kissin' the blarney stone
Pierre gave it to Shiela
Who must have brought it there
He got it from Francois and Jacques, aha!
Lucky Pierre!
Max got it from Edith
Who gets it ev'ry spring
She got it from her daddy
Who just gives her ev'rything
She then gave it to Daniel
Whose Spaniel has it now
Our dentist even got it
And we're still... wondering how.
Ah, but I got it from Agnes
Or maybe it was Sue...
Or Millie or Billie or Gillie or Willie-
It doesn't matter who
It might have been at the pub
Or at the club or in the loo
And if you will be my friend, then I might...
(Mind you, I said "might"...)
Give it to you!
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9. |
The Swimming Lady
02:27
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The Swimming Lady
The four and twentieth day of May, of all days of the year, sir,
A virgin lady, fresh and gay, did privately appear, sir.
Down by a riverside walked she, and spied back down the path, sir,
And feeling sure she was secure, she got ready for her bath sir. .
With glittering glancing jealous eyes, she shyly looked about, her,
To see if any lurking spies were hidden to find her out, sir.
And feeling well resolved that none could see her nakedness, sir,
She pulled her robes off, one by one, and did herself undress, sir.
Full nude into the stream she slipped, she looked like Venus' glass, sir.
The fishes from all quarters slipt to see so fair a lass, sir.
Each fish did wish himself a man, about her all were drawn, sir.
And at the sight of her began to spread about their spawn, sir.
A lad who long her love had been and could obtain no grace, sir,
Through all her prying lay unseen, within a secret place, sir.
Who had often been too shy when he had come to woo her,
Pulled off his clothes and fearlessly did run and leap into her.
The lass, she cried, and down she dived, but she soon came up again, sir.
They made it all up upon the shore, and then, and then, and then, sir.
As Adam did old Eve enjoy, you may guess what I mean, sir;
Because she all uncovered lay, he covered her again, sir.
With watering eyes, he weeps he cries, "I'm utterly undone, dear
If you will not be wed to me by the dawn of morning sun, dear."
She answered him, she would not stir out of his sight till then, sir.
"They both joined hands in wedlock bands, got married, and went to it again, sir."
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10. |
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The Bartender’s Just Like a Mother to Me
(Clarke / Ricks / Spencer)
Slim Gaillard - 1946
Oh the Bartender is just like a mother,
with his apron so clean and white
For he tries to make everyone happy,
and he never looks for a fight
Whenever I'm sad and lonesome,
he always gets me to smile
Oh the Bartender is just like a mother to me,
and I am his favorite child
Oh the Bartender is just like a mother,
and I know he's man's best friend,
'Cause he passes the pretzels and peanuts,
to the guy all alone on the end
Whenever my wife comes huntin',
he says "no, he hasn't been in",
Oh the Bartender is just like a mother to me,
and I am his favorite kin.
Oh the Bartender is just like a mother,
for he knows when I've had enough
He refuses to give me another,
when I ask for more of the stuff,
He won't let me be forsaken,
no matter how big my tab,
Oh the Bartender is just like a mother to me,
'cause the bar is owned by my Dad.
Oh the Bartender is just like a mother to me,
'cause the bar is owned by my Dad.
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11. |
The Age of Not Believing
01:53
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The Age of Not Believing
Richard M. Sherman / Robert B. Sherman
Copyright Walt Disney Music Company
When you rush around in hopeless circles
Searching everywhere for something true
You're at the age of not believing
When all the make-believe is through
When you set aside your childhood heroes
And your dreams are lost up on a shelf
You're at the age of not believing
And worst of all you doubt yourself
You're a castaway where no one hears you
On a barren isle in a lonely sea
Where did all the happy endings go?
Where can all the good times be?
You must face the age of not believing
Doubting everything you ever knew
Until at last you start believing
There's something wonderful,
Truly wonderful
In you
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12. |
Health to the Company
04:54
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Health to the Company
Kind friends and companions, come join me in rhyme
Come lift up your voices in chorus with mine
Let us drink and be merry, all grief to refrain
For we may or might never all meet here again
So here's a health to the company and one to my lass
Let's drink and be merry all out of one glass
Let's drink and be merry, all grief to refrain
For we may or might never all meet here again
Here's a health to the wee lass that I love so well
For style and for beauty there's none can excel
She smiles on my countenance as she sits on my knee
Sure there’s no one on Earth as happy as me
Our ship lies at harbour, she is ready to dock
I wish her safe landing without any shock
And if ever we meet again by land or by sea
Sure I’m always remembering your kindness to me
Here’s a health to the family, related and found.
Help us reach for the stars and keep our feet on the ground.
Through hills and through valleys our roads twist and turn.
There’s joy and there’s laughter for each heartache we’ve earned
So here's a health to the company and one to my lass
Let's drink and be merry all out of one glass
Let's drink and be merry, all grief to refrain
For we may or might never all meet here again
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13. |
Witch Margaret
05:47
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Witch Margaret
Adapted from the Poem by Riccardo Stephens
Published in: “Lyra Celtica: An Anthology of Representative Celtic Poetry” (1896)
Who hath not met Witch Margaret?
Red gold her rippling hair,
Eyes like sweet summer seas are set
Beneath her brow so fair.
And cream and damask rose have met
Her lip and cheek to share.
Come up! and you shall see her yet,
Before she groweth still;
Before her cloak of flame and smoke
The winter air shall fill;
For they must burn Witch Margaret
Upon the Castle Hill.
The silent sky was cold and grey,
The earth was cold and white,
They brought her out that snowy day
To burn her in our sight.
The snow that fell and fell all day
Would cover her ere night.
They drove the boot on Margaret
And crushed her dainty feet;
The hissing searing-irons set
To kiss her lips so sweet:
She hath not asked for mercy yet,
Nor mercy shall she meet.
Upon her body, all in black,
Fell down her red-gold hair;
All bruised and bleeding from the rack
Her writhen arms hung bare.
Red blood dripped all along her track,
Blood seemed in the air.
While they told of her deeds of shame,
She, resting in the snow,
Stretched out weak hands toward the flame,
Watched the sparks upward go,
Till on the pale pinched face there came
Some of the red fire's glow.
Oh, is it blood that blinds mine eyes,
Or is it driving snow?
And are these but the wild wind's cries
That drive me to and fro?
That beat about mine ears and rise
Wherever I may go?
It's red and black on Castle Hill!
The people go to pray,
A little wind sighs on, until
The ashes float away;
And then God's earth is very still,
For this is Christmas Day
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Ménage à Moi Comedy Chicago, Illinois
Humorously indecent. Always discreet. The top-shelf comedy stylings of Ménage À Moi pair nicely with either a cooling beer or a warming tequila shot. Come for the liberated, inclusive camaraderie. Stay for the belly laughs, new friends, and an organic unpredictability that ensures every show is unique. ... more
